Not the Canal Boats

Hello everybody, and welcome to Storybook Land! My name is April, and today we're riding aboard the Wendy. Today, I'll be taking you on a magical journey through Storybook Land, so please keep all hands and arms inside the boat, and please no smoking, drinking, eating, drugs, swearing, or standing up inside the boat… those that do will be asked to disembark before our return to the dock. And now without further ado, away we go!

Oh no! It looks like we’ve just been swallowed by Monstro the whale from the story of Pinocchio! If you remember the story, Monstro swallowed Pinocchio and Geppetto, and Pinocchio was smart enough to start a fire that made Monstro sneeze! He sneezed so hard, he blew his tail right off! Bad for Monstro, and not so good for us either, if you consider that we are about to be blown out the back end of a whale...

Coming up around the bend, on your left, you'll see the cave of the Big Bad Wolf… and directly across, you'll see the homes of the Three Little Pigs… one made of straw, one made of sticks, and one made of 100% wolf-proof bricks… The wolf has been trying to cross the canal and reach these rich sources of bacon for over 50 years now...

Up on your left-hand side, you’ll see the village of Alice in Wonderland… if you follow the white footpath to the bottom, you’ll see the mailbox of the White Rabbit… next to that is the very same burrow that Alice chased the White Rabbit into and discovered LSD.

Directly ahead are the formal gardens of London Park; that's where Wendy, John and Michael, with a little help from Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, started their adventures into Never-Never land, where they maintain a questionable living arrangement.

Up ahead is Agraba, the city of mystery and enchantment. On the hill is the sultan’s palace while just below is the busy marketplace where Aladdin and Jasmine first met.

We are now passing under the rose covered arches, the same rose covered arches that Aladdin and Jasmine flew under on their magic carpet ride. Just on the left there you can see the spot where they clipped the arch, flipped the carpet over and crashed in flames just past the bank there...

Watch your hands and fingers as we pass in to the cave of wonders, because we would not want to touch the enchanted treasure that lies inside, as it would cause the cave to collapse, trapping us inside for all time. Among that treasure is a lamp which Abu and Aladdin discovered containing a magical Genie.

On our right is the cottage of Snow White and the seven dwarves. Yes, that's right. That's where the beautiful princess lives with seven men. Together. Just beyond you can hear the dwarves as they whistle while they work in the mine.


Across the way is the Chateau where Cinderella grew up with her evil step sisters and evil step mother until one night she attended a ball high on the hill at the prince’s palace. You might even be able to catch a glimpse of her carriage as it turns in to a pumpkin. Just hope she isn't inside when this happens... not a pretty sight.

On our left is a giant patchwork quilt, inspired by Disney’s Lullaby Land from the Silly Symphonies. Rumor has it that once the park is closed, and everyone has gone home for the night, a giant comes to sleep under this giant quilt. The quilt is made up of 23 types of desert plants and held together by those giant cross stitches.

Just in case you were wondering, all our plant in Storybookland are real, and are kept miniaturized by a very special process known only by Tinkerbell. We have tried to get her to stop, but she can be a real bitch at times.

On our left is the modest home of Mr Mole, best friend of Mr Toad who is just up the way in Toad Hall from the Wind in the Willows. But, they are not home right now; they are on their way to a Gay Pride march. The last time they went driving together, they were arrested and held for reckless endangerment and violation of various public decency laws.

Up ahead set snuggly at the base of the Matterhorn is the Alpine Village where down by the water you can see Geppetto’s workshop. In that workshop, Geppetto made Pinocchio, the little wooden boy. There is still speculation in the village as to why this reclusive old man would have wanted a wooden boy with a long pointy nose to play with.

Docked in the harbor to our right is Prince Eric’s ship. On the beach, Ariel rescued the prince and they now live together in the beautiful palace, financed almost completely through drug running and rum smuggling.

Through the waterfall on our left you might be able to catch a glimpse of King Triton’s Palace where Arial grew up, and her friends Sebastian and Flounder still live, having overthrown King Triton in a coupe financed and supported by a sea witch that lives just under where our boat is sitting right now. I think thats one of her tentacles just creaping over the edge of the boat there...